The Things We All Carry

Alex-NOVA

Soren Kierkegaard wrote
"The greatest hazard of all, losing oneself, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly, any other loss, an arm, a leg, $5, a wife, et cetera, is sure to be noticed. "
In our day-to-day lives it's very easy to lose ourselves and our sense of self. We are often the last to notice. Alex is a firefighter from a nearby agency and his story is just that losing himself to the job. His story is a familiar one, one wrought  with overtime, an all in culture, a mindset that tells you no one outside the service understands, the morbidity of humor, even a feeling of being better than anyone else, simply because of the work you do. 
It's that slow transition into defining yourself as a firefighter, not as an individual or a human working as a firefighter.
Alex lost a girlfriend, nearly lost an entire set of friends, and more importantly, he lost his sense of self and turned very dark before realizing he had to change. 
Through therapy he's been able to make amends and changes. He's found the outlets necessary in order to not keep the experiences and emotions bottled in. He's found the way to enjoy and live life and not simply be about the barbell and a fire truck.

DavidA -PNW

David is a retired firefighter medic from the Pacific Northwest. He spent 28 years on the job between volunteer time and career. His story is one filled with trauma on the job to include numerous pediatric codes and death. Those traumas led him to anger, to drinking, to rehab, and eventually to recovery.
Today David is retired and he's retrained as a welder. He makes his recovery the priority in his life knowing without sobriety, nothing else would be possible. David and I spent two plus hours talking about life recovery and life after the fire service.  

Tattoo Tom - Stillbrave

Tom Mitchell is a hero. I don't throw that title around often or easily, but in this case, it's the truth. Better known as Tattoo Tom, Tom is a self-described and appropriately anointed aggressive and unapologetic activist for children with cancer and their families. 
From a personal tragedy was born a dogged determination to do basically anything and everything for these kids and their families. From becoming a boxer at the age of 39 to participating in a Moab 240 to dedicating space on his own skin for the memory of children lost to this disease.....Tom has made himself the ultimate advocate. 
He founded Stillbrave to provide non-medical supportive care to children with cancer and their families. The organization does that and so much more. Parents of children with cancer are overwhelmed with a diagnosis, Tom and Stillbrave are there to help. That help can be monetary, emotional, guidance with terms and procedures, or simply a chance to smile. This show is a first responder centered podcast, and it may seem odd to have tom, as a guest, trust me the connection is there. Last September I recorded with Loren, a firefighter in my area, she's also a childhood cancer survivor and a board member of Stillbrave. 
A few months ago I found out that a good friend, coworker, and in all but blood a brother of mine was embarking on a cancer journey of his own. His infant son had been diagnosed with an aggressive cancer and the family needed all the help they could get. My first call was to Loren. That's all it took....one call. Loren, Tom, and Stillbrave jumped in and offered money, advice,  and an ear. I'm indebted to them for the help they gave so easily in generously. 
Listen to Tom's story. Hear the ugly truths about cancer and the treatments. Understand how little is spent on research. Find a way to do your part in this battle. 

The Painted Buffalo

Gandhi said that the "best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Jess Rambo is a creative force behind the Painted Buffalo. She's a Marine Corps veteran who has taken her artistic skill and passion and applied it to the veterans community. Her love of art and love for veterans meets in the middle to create opportunities for vets to tell their stories. It doesn't matter if the story is ever heard by anyone else, it simply matters that they are able to express themselves. 
Jess hit the road at the beginning of COVID in a school bus, she renovated for her family to live in. Along the way they hit 38 states, 30 national parks and over 300 meetups for veterans all the while meeting over 1200 individual veterans . Her Paint Can Project provides veterans with socks, water bottle shirts, and art supplies meant to encourage them to open up, begin a journey and tell their story. 
Today Jess and her children call North Georgia home. She has an even larger and more grandiose vision of what her service can become. She is creating a homestead for her family, her animals, and the veterans to commune, create and connect. Jess has lost herself in the service of others. And we all benefit from the self she's finding a new.  

Chad ”Burnt Out”

 Dostoevsky wrote
"You will burn and you will burn out. You'll be healed and come back again."
Those words resonate with me. In some manner, small or large, we burn every day. Day-to-day life alone burns us and then we add traumas, work schedules, irregular sleep, poor diet, and numerous other stressors. I'm not sure if burnout is inevitable but in the first responder world, it's hardly rare. 
The second part of that message is vital though...."you will be healed and come back again". That healing starts once there's a recognition and an acceptance of burnout. If you notice some signs and symptoms of burnout it's paramount to seek out help, talk to someone, dig into the why, build a recovery, and then come back again. 
Chad Davis is the author of "Burnt Out: A Paramedic's Memoir". This book is his story, his journey, his experience. Chad is a firefighter, a medic, an author, a husband, and a father. He has lived through a number of life altering traumas and has come through the other side. He speaks about life in the station, the significant calls, the traumas, the death of his infant son, the fight to find himself, and life after all of it.
In other words, Chad has been burned, he's been burnt out, he's healed, and he's come back again. 

Destiny Morris @on_being_resilient

Destiny Morris is a licensed marriage and family therapist from California. Her practice centers around first responders, spouses, and relationships. She is certified as a first responder counselor as well as being trained in the practice of EMDR and trauma informed. She works with individuals, couples and holds first responder partner groups.
In this conversation, we discussed the idea of hyper-vigilance and how it affects relationships. We delve into the topic of sex...yeah sex, sex and the first responder. Sex, interpersonal relationships, family planning, communication, and how the life of a first responder affects all of it.
You can find destiny on Instagram under the name  @on_being_resilient   I look forward to having her on again to get a little more into the weeds on a few of these subjects.

Sara Thrash-TX

Welcome to Episode 78 of The Things We All Carry. 
Macklemore said.....
"Music is therapy. Music moves people. It connects people in ways that no other medium can. It pulls heartstrings. It acts as medicine."
Sarah Thrash is a Texan, a daughter, a sister, a fighter, and a survivor. Music is a passion and a therapy of sorts for her, whether playing piano, listening to music as the sun sets, or sharing suggestions with strangers on Instagram. Music moves her and helps heal her.
I noticed her stories on Instagram and started following her suggestions and links to songs. I found that to be a wonderful foray into new music and artists. Little did I know that she also had a story to tell. Sarah has experienced numerous traumas and trials in her life. She's faced a long road to recovery from both emotional and physical injuries. She's determined to push on and not let the traumas define or defeat her.
She will be the first to tell you that in her life, the overarching theme is hope. That hope is as much for her as it is for the world around her. 

Ryan A - DC

Ryan is a firefighter in Washington, DC. His experiences with work and life demonstrate a need for a global approach to mental health. We can't only worry about the calls we need to be in tune with all aspects of life for a firefighter. Knowing what trials and tribulations a firefighter's living through and dealing with allows us as peers and leaders to better serve our people. 
Ryan dealt with cancer and death in an up close and personal manner. He was thrust into a caretaker role  at a point in time, he could never have imagined being necessary. He discusses the realities of caring for a loved one as cancer rages and death approaches. There are moments of beauty and grace sprinkled among the indignity of death. He doesn't pull punches when sharing the uglier side of cancer and hospice. He also shares how this experience has changed his approach at work and the reactions he has had to certain calls. 
Separating the  two worlds, firehouse and personal life is difficult in the best of times. However, when tragedy strikes it's damn near impossible. 

CopShrink-CA

"My purpose in life is to alleviate suffering."
That's the mission statement of this week's guest. Deana, also known as CopShrink on Instagram, is a licensed marriage and family therapist in the state of California. Her focus is working with cops, firefighters and the spouses of both. In addition she responds to large-scale or significant incidents requiring CISM. 
In other words...she sees the first responder on their worst day. 
Dean has been in practice for 10 plus years and brings her own experiences of trauma and recovery as part of her toolkit. She's a rare therapist who speaks our language and has been touched by our traumas as well. Growing up, her grandfather was in law enforcement. Eventually retiring as chief of police and she was married to a cop as well. 
Deana shares  her personal story, as well as professional. She's open and candid about topics such as abuse, marriage, divorce, addiction, faith and recovery.  

Mike-VA

Mike is a 15 year career firefighter and has 17 years as a paramedic. He started his career at a young age as a volunteer. He's also a husband and a father of two young children. 
I was scrolling through Facebook one day when I happened upon a post from a firefighter in Central Virginia. He was asking for donations to raise money for the Center of Excellence. He wasn't simply asking for money though, he was asking for sponsorship for a run he had planned. That run would take him from Central Virginia across the Potomac River to Southern Maryland up to the Center of Excellence, making it a distance of roughly 80 miles. After reading his post, I reached out and floated the idea of having him as a guest on the show. After some discussion back and forth and an hour long phone call, we settled on a day and time. Mike and I sat down together in my apartment and recorded this conversation. 
Mike shares his early brushes with death and trauma and how those times formed and affected him. He's open about the mistakes he's made. The alcohol he used as an escape and the road he is on towards recovery.