The Things We All Carry

Chris Torres FDNY/Next Rung/IGY6

Chris Torres is a firefighter with FDNY owner of IGY6 Fitness out of New York. He's also a peer support counselor for Next Rung, as well as Vice President and board member of Next Rung. Chris was generous enough to spend about 90 minutes of his valuable time talking to me and sharing his story. 
He was born and raised in New York city. He also played collegiate baseball in New York city. And then he found his way to the fire department shortly after college. We discussed both his professional and personal journey along the way. In addition, we talk about his work in the fitness realm and how he is trying to lead prospective firefighters to success. 
Chris opens up about the how and why he found it got involved with Next Rung as well as the role he currently plays in that organization. Chris brings a passion to everything he does in life. And it tends to be infectious. He's the kind of person who, after speaking with him inspires you to run head first into whatever brick wall may be in your path. 

Michelle

Welcome to episode 64 of The Things We All Carry. I was doing some work for the show a couple of weeks ago, when an idea came to me. I had read about a pop-up farmer's market and thought the idea could be applied to an interview. Instead of planning out a show by speaking to and interview a guest prior to recording, why not do an impromptu pop-up style interview. Go into an interview, not knowing what's going to be said, not prepared and just have a conversation. The only question I had was who would want to do that? Who would want to give up an hour or so on a Saturday night to share their personal stories and, or traumas. 
Turns out when you ask people are more than willing to do just that. So I recorded two shows that Saturday and have a list of people interested in doing another round. Michelle was the first one to reach out to me after I posted. She and I have "spoken" a few times in the past via comments and messages on Instagram. So I knew a little of her life, but I knew nothing of what she shares in this episode.
Michelle is a call taker for 911 service in the Southeastern United States. She shared her stories of childhood, marriage, divorce, and trauma from her job. I had no idea what to expect from this off the cuff conversation, but it definitely didn't disappoint. 

Tip Of The Spear Leadership

Leadership and mental health are very separate, yet related issues in and around a firehouse. 
A good leader will have his or her finger on the pulse of a crew, have the ability to recognize ups and downs. Notice what is, and isn't normal for someone. Foster an environment and an atmosphere that allows for a crew member to express issues and ask for help. A good leader can also help develop mental fitness and wellness in a proactive approach. A leader good, bad or indifferent can make or break a crew.
Lieutenant Mike Nasti is the creator and voice behind "Tip of the Spear Leadership Podcast". Tip of the Spear is a podcast developed for and about leadership. This platform brings the wisdom of various leaders from around the fire service. They share their experience, both failures and successes so we all can learn from them. There's no sugarcoating and no panacea offered just solid information from respected voices.

A Little More Sweary

Welcome to episode 62 of The Things We All Carry. Today, I'm joined again by Kristie of Sweary Therapy. This is our third episode and she's becoming somewhat of a regular on the show. Her previous episodes are numbers 15 and 30. Kristie is a licensed mental health therapist in the state of Florida.
She isn't your typical staid and starch therapist.  She's coming at you with blue pink or multi-colored hair. And she is unafraid to match your firehouse language. Kristie stands out from the get-go and she's a challenge to the status quo. 
The thing is she has the knowledge to back it up. The easiest way to describe Kristie is reading directly from our website and I quote. As your therapist, I promise to always be authentic and genuine. And for me, that might include dropping those F bombs and getting into the real shit with my clients. 
I want you to know that you can and should express yourself authentically with me. And if that includes colorful language great. If that's not your style, no worries. As long as you know, you're free to express yourself, however you are comfortable. End quote. Her tagline is simple. And to the point it's just fucking therapy. 

Diane Cotter- MA

Welcome to episode 61of The Things We All Carry. Few words can strike fear, like the word cancer. The adage is that it will touch everyone's life at some point. That's never been truer for me. As I sit here writing today, I have my own mother foremost in my mind. She's put up a Valiant and brave fight over the last few years  after being diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. Her spirits never seemed to break over that time and that holds true today while she's home in hospice care. My mind also turns to a friend, really a brother,  as he and his family turn their energy and focus to this battle as well.
Unfortunately as firefighters, we are much more susceptible to this insidious disease than the rest of the population. For many years, we've all heard this dismissal of it's part of the job or something to that effect. We face numerous carcinogens on a daily basis from diesel exhaust to poor sleep to the byproducts of house fires.
The last thing we need is another risk added to that list. Yet in a cruel twist of fate. We have just that and it comes in the very gear meant to protect us. Our turnout gear's festering with and continually shedding what are commonly called forever chemicals or classified as PFAS. They are known carcinogens, with their identified quote unquote safe levels. 
Our gear greatly exceeds any so-called acceptable levels. Every time we Don our gear we put ourselves at greater risk for the fight of our lives. Diane Cotter is a patron Saint. She met our industry head on with dogged determination after her husband, a 28 year vet of the Worcester fire department was diagnosed with cancer. Her journey was  one of discovery, both as a person and an activist. An unassuming wife and mom, who at one point refuse to have more than 99  Facebook friends became the face and voice of a fierce battle for what amounted to the soul of the fire service.  She took up the mantle and the burden of  advocacy at the time when the old guard had selfish reasons to quiet and discredit her. Much to our benefit she never quit and didn't back down despite their efforts. Take a listen, as Diane tells her story from the personal side of the battle. Listen as she speaks of the toll it took on her and how she came out the other side. 
Then find a way to thank and applaud her for everything she's accomplished for all of us in a fire service. It turns out that we as firefighters really do need heroes. And Diane Cotter is just that our superhero.  

Doug-KS

Doug is a retired assistant chief from the Heartland of America. He spent the majority of his career as a paid guy in a volunteer system. He brings a unique perspective to the show as he's been out of the game for seven plus years now. Mike sent me an email to mystory@thethingsweallcarry.com a while back. 
It caught my eye because it wasn't a typical response that I get his subject matter was the makeshift memorials. You find on the side of the road. We all know them and see them marking the spot. A loved one died. Mike's take on. It is a little different, and I tend to agree with them. We as first responders have a difficult time relinquishing some memories. 
 And these memorials actually serve to refresh our memories. Each time we see them. Speaking from my own perspective, I can't drive through my county and not identify spots where I've cut people out of cars, perform CPR, attended to a battered and mangled body from a hit and run. Or that one time I pulled the truck over to block traffic. 
And found the issue to be a dog slowly and painfully dying after being struck by a car. These stand out to me and hit me at various times in places. I can understand how these memorials can serve as a trigger for those involved from the rescue side of an  📍 accident.

That Time We Solved Problems

Today we set out to discover what happens when you put four podcasters in one room with four microphones. I can tell you it's a little bit of controlled chaos. It was just about a year ago today that I met TJ when he drove to Virginia to meet me and record an episode for this idea. That conversation was the first interview I ever held for the things we all carry. Little did I know that we would strike up a friendship and not only remain in touch but depend on each other for random advice and problem solving. A short time later, Stephanie did the same exact thing  and lo and behold also became a sort of advisor in confident. Mike is the loan holdout, but planning continues and he will soon debut on my show.
 Between the time we spent together and the texts in a group chat. I know I have the distinct honor and privilege to call these three people, colleagues and friends. The fact that we can sit in a room and have an open. And at times even intelligent conversation is such a blessing for me. 
 I can't suggest enough that you listen to their shows. You can find TJ as the host of the Keep the Promise Podcast. Stephanie show is called the Five After Midnight podcast and Lieutenant Mike Nasti is the host of Tip of the Spear Leadership. 
Each show brings a different take to the fire service yet share certain pieces along the way. Take the time to download and listen to each of them. In my opinion, they are some of the best voices in the fire service genre.  

BONUS EPISODE Bryan- Dealing With Death

Welcome to a bonus episode of The Things We All Carry. During the past three episodes I have given the microphone over to Bryan. Bryan, as you may recall, is a retired fire captain with over 34 years of service. He and I spent four plus hours recording his story and his thoughts . One day, after we recorded what we both thought was our final part, Bryan reached out to me and asked if we could sit down again.
I was a bit hesitant at first, simply because we had so much material as it was. I asked why he felt it necessary, and he replied with," I don't think I did a good enough job relaying how much I came to resent death and how I never wanted to see it again". That of course caught my attention and we planned another round. 
I initially intended to cut, edit and paste the newest material into episode 57, which is part three of his series. But after listening to the bonus material, I decided it deserved to be a standalone episode. What follows is roughly 30 minutes of Bryan sharing his thoughts on death and me stumbling as I just try to stay out of his way. 
I think these 30 minutes are insightful and intriguing and I hope you find the same.   

Bryan-Virginia Part 3

Welcome to Episode 57 of The Things We All Carry.  TodayI bring you the final part of my interview with Bryan. In the previous episodes, Bryan discussed various calls and traumas and effects from both of them. From the graphic and all to real calls he ran as a volunteer to experiencing the worst day of firefighter can have. 
Bryan discusses his realization that his career has taken a toll on him, both physically and emotionally. He shares the "whys and hows" about how he finally gets to help he needs. He's open about his resistance to, and his inability to be forthcoming in a few attempts at therapy and how it limits his chance at any real or actual recovery. 
We discussed the insights he's earned and learned along the way. And he shares both his failures and successes. Bryan will tell you point blank that he is far from finished figuring it out. He won't hesitate to point out that this thing we all call life is simply a work in progress. 

Bryan-Virginia Part 2

In this episode, we discuss the line of duty death of Kyle Wilson. Kyle was a firefighter in Virginia who lost his life in a house fire in the early morning hours of April 16th, 2007. 
You can learn more about Kyle and his fire by going to YouTube and searching. F L S T P Kyle Wilson. On that fateful morning, Bryan was the officer of the first arriving rescue squad. He and his crew made numerous attempts to find and rescue Kyle. Once conditions became untenable. All crews were ordered to evacuate and tragically... Kyle lost his life. 
Bryan shares his experience with both the fire and all that transpires following that day.